The “Victim” Syndrome!
Do you ever come across people who always seem to have something wrong with them? ... the conversation usually ends up focussing on their problems? ... you walk away from the conversation feeling like you have just been pushed through a wringer?
It seems that they have a huge reservoir of excuses - reasons why they cannot! Every time you try to help them by offering a solution, they have a ready-made ‘negative’ reply?
Those are the people who think that negative attention is far better than no attention at all!
So, how do you deal with such a person ... for, “if you take away all their excuses, you may cause them to become unnoticed”! - and “we all know that we all crave attention!”
You’re right! Sometimes it is better for you to stay away from them. Unless you have earned the right to ‘council’ them, their influence upon you is likely to be greater than your influence on them! Your major task is to Remain Positive! The people you constantly influence need that!
Sometimes, though, the ‘Victim Thing’ is really part of our own make-up. Maybe this is a good time to look into “V.S” a bit closer ...
A person who is bitten by the ‘Victim Syndrome’ bug is actually trying to abrogate responsibility! This is fundamentally wrong - because there are exactly two sure things, in life, that we (and we alone) have complete responsibility for - our attitudes and our decisions! We’ve all been hurt, but if we are still using it 20 years later, we are not victims by circumstance, we are victims by choice!
Please be sure that you are not carrying any hurts (“baggage”) from the past! People who are, can be sure of this ... they will continue to be hurt! The sad thing is that it is them that will be causing their own pain. Whomever or whatever caused the original stress has probably long gone, completely oblivious of your feelings!
The key to happiness lies entirely in our own hands - not in anyone else’s! No matter what a ‘Victim Syndrome’ victim may think, it is impossible to be happy being unhappy! Think about that one (it was hard to write, too).
Here’s an idea to help you to check-up from the neck up:
... write done all the things that has happened in the past that caused you to feel hurt or exploited or some other feeling you didn’t like (well, all the ones you can remember for now - the rest will come to you after you have dealt with the first bunch)!
... forgive, and also apologise to, the person/thing that caused you to feel so bad! (Yes, even though you may think that it was their/it’s fault - it wasn’t, because you chose to allow them/it to get under your skin)
... forgive yourself for letting the thing affect you (you can justify yourself by saying that you didn’t know at the time - that is, of course, if you really didn’t know!)
... get on with life, happy that from now on, that particular episode will never effect you again!
And, please, from now on, take responsibility for your attitudes! Know that circumstances will always present themselves to you, over which you will have absolutely NO control! You DO, however, have control over how you deal with it! So... exercise that control!
As for the ‘V.S’ people you come into contact with. When you have completed the above exercise a few times, and you have a good handle on your own life, you certainly have a great ‘present’ to offer them, haven’t you? All you have to do is to become a great friend - the rest will naturally follow! It’s got nothing to do with your Neways business - it’s got everything to do with being a friend. Be a friend to enough people and you will be richly rewarded, way beyond your wildest understandings!
Deal with yourself first, then show others what you did.